This is me again after a while. I apologize that this blog has been lagging content, but some things were going on and I wasn’t sure what to post/upload, what to keep private and not. All I can say though is many things happened since my last post.
Before I’ll start off, keep in mind you can always press the escape button or the back button/alt+left arrow in your browser, since this is being more or less emotional stuff ones again. Thanks

This is for people who’ve read the sometimes I wish post, the ones who doesn’t probably won’t get most of this and I won’t explain much here, I’ll just go right into the continuation.
At the 16th of september I met this girl again I talked about, the one moving away. I’ve met her again in chirch, and I didn’t really expect her to show up. A lot of stuff happened, including we talking a lot, doing walks near the building and last but not least, talked to her and her friend and we 3 hugged at the end when they had to go. Just had an impulse to ask and apparently worked. Now it gets interesting. This all triggered something which I’m not sure is good at all or not. I started liking her instead. I stopped being blind for a person that wasn’t worth it, who liked someone else, and is just weird and has no similar interests perhaps. Just in case I won’t put names here, because who knows. But the friend which moved away. I told this in that other post, but she really has been nice. Partly I couldn’t, and still can’t, forgive myself for being a selfish ideot. That would be my own definition of my behavior.
Of course I appologized personally as well but even though she said its alright and she knows how that is, I’m not sure. I even prayed for forgiveness and that just helped for a while. When things don’t go as expected, I start to be lonely, think etc, often this comes up. So I’m more or less pretty stuck.
Want some context? Sure.
Often I only talked with her about that other girl, and I didn’t appreciate the times with that friend I now fell in love with a while ago. When she said something nice about herself in a situation for example it was hard to be happy for her. I couldn’t show the empathy I wish to have shown. But the past is the past now.
I still didn’t met her again until this day and I’m not sure if I will soon. Added to that her family goes through things, that being some people of them being most likely seriously sick. I often ask her about her week, but she keeps saying its great. But yesterday I confirmed that I’m here, that I can pray and that he’ll be alright. He? Her brother having cancer, they found out recently and after asking once more she told me. Apparently really appreciated that. and this is what makes me smile in the inside. I told her before that she could call me whenever, and reminding her of that yesterday I got a red heart as reaction. And this may have been the best I could do for now. And this is where I want to remind everyone. The best, and I mean it. best gift we can make ourselfs is make others we really care about happy, or help them. This can also be the key to a really good relationship.
But enough about that, it still isn’t over, a little part is left. Since I started liking her, I more or less developed some hate against the other one, especially since I have to be around her always in a way, around many people in class. Since that classroom isn’t available in breaks anymore, we have to sit on benches near it. Not very cool if there’s a big croud talking in a language you feel uncomfortable in and have to learn or rather learn talking. I don’t really like being forsed to that, but besides I’m not sure what to say even in english. But I’m most certainly done running after people unless they really mean something to me.
At this part a question in case anyone moved to another country and reads this. How was that going regarding friends and language.

You’re done! Bible text for today is done written. Amen!
See you next time, and thanks for reading.