Some were waiting, some wern’t, but now a new post, full of my thoughtful babbeling. I haven’t done those in a while, and I didn’t type long stuff recently either.
Easter. Some celebrate it and some don’t. Especially in norway it seems like they do a lot, lot with their familys, go on walks, all seems fine. Even at christmas, it’s so much of family celebration. And clearly we are the opisit. Already last year I didn’t feel like christmas, and this year it was worse, I really didn’t want to listen to a single christmas song. And same with easter. Sadly I was having a cold for the entirety of the holidays, which kinda sucked. And it’s still just in it’s ending. Maybe there will be nothing of it left in 2 days, right now I can still feel I had it very recently and my voice says so too, 1 or the other coff but then that’s about it.
Sometimes, there is 1 thing I like about colds. That is the emotional peace you get, at least how I experience. Sometimes if they’re good you want to be full of them. You want to feel it. But sometimes in bad situations which I’m sure we all can face or are facing, it is the only right thing. In that case I just focused on audio plays and that was fun. But they return as soon as the cold nears it’s ending, the bad part. And to be honest, it doesn’t bother not celebrating to much, besides I don’t care much about my birthday too. But on the other hand it is quite sad. And it doesn’t feel right. But it’s what I’m used to I guess. But seing the harmony everyone has with each other and their familys, it must be beautiful. But knowing that you are the one who’s different. The one of your friends that struggles with language things, the one who is not here for that long, the blind one, it is just different, and sometimes I feel like not in a positive way. And often I wonder, when is something gonna change. It’s the same thing. If I meet awesome people, I often have to let go or lose contact a little. I just can’t believe this is how it needs to be apparently. And no, I don’t have dipression, even if it may sound like that. I say that because certain roomers were spred at some point. But since I don’t feel like letting it out on people sometimes this is the right place.
But holidays generally change me up temporarily. I care less about things I sometimes care a lot about, I’m alone, knowing that I won’t do anything, visit noone, meet noone and just hope for it being over, but not looking forward to the work and the norwegian reading/speaking. Yesterday, talking to a friend about it, it surprised me even what I said and how I was viewing things. Sometimes I wurry about myself. That I change up. And I don’t know if that is for the better. But viewpoints change, sometimes I don’t care about things I feel like I’d come to regret not caring about, etc. Mostly this is just tight to the holiday effect but having that in the way, how on earth are holidays supposed to be enjoyed that route?
Birthdays:
Surely at some point, whether here or on another blog/forum, I told you guys my opinion about birthdays. Or it actually has been in a vote. But it was basically that I don’t see why it’s to be celebrated, you just get older, get gifts, have to answer tuns of calls and people saying happy birthday, and it’s generally overhyped. But now if I think about it, maybe I see this only the way because I don’t get contacted by the people I’d want to be contacted by. Same for spending time. Still, we all get older. And the older I get, the more I wurry about the future. Becoming an adult. It’s less than 2 years now. And being honest, the older we get, the harder things get too. The more feelings get released. I don’t feel ready for anything. Not this way or in this status. And I don’t leave this here because I want attention, this is the truth. And the only way helping.