Hi again,
I know this isn’t sorted, but I don’t care. I just need to leave it.
Some of you may know how my future looks like. If not, in short, 10th grade incoming, many norwegian things I don’t feel ready for, our youth pastor left our church for studdying or whatnot, people I used to hangout with are busy replacing him and his girlfriend for the things they were doing, I still have a crush on someone I don’t think I should crush on, or at least I think so, because when I thought it was gone and I heard/saw her name things became shaky in my head, I found out that someone I have put trust into was not who I thought it was all of the time (see yesterdays blog post) I have to miss friends who never get time or it’s hard comunicating with, and this can now go on for years, with no period of this sentance in view.
I sometimes wonder which forms of depression exist. While I don’t think I have it yet, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone told me I do.
And in around 2 weeks it’s the same again. Spending the breaks talking to myself, eating lunch with myself, breaking myself for, myself? Ehh. The last year was nothing compared to now. And my complains were unvalid if I look at me now. If I knew how the future would be now in 2022, I’m sure I would’ve either shut up, or worried even more.
I’ve met someone in my class a few months ago, that is, really started to talk, and she’s in the same situation as me in, some ways. But she now wants to distance from the class, won’t atend going to the youth meetings any further, and so my hope to get someone to know who’s in the same boat and building an actually good and solit friendship with anyone in school is now dead too. And I feel further and further away from guys. They’re childish, won’t understand or just to crazy to fit in, in a way. This is 1 reason that I always had more female friends. I’m done.
What have I done to deserve this emotional nightmare. What have I done to deserve the things that happen to me? Why am I always the bad one of them all, even in family? Another reason I’m not close to it.
I guess I’m done. I have no goal in mind and people may get annoied of this but heh. I have nothing to lose, and so bye.